My favorite people call me Lolli and call my husband Pops. I’m blessed to have four adorable healthy grandchildren – 4 in 4 years! My husband and I got married and had our family later than most so we were not so patiently waiting for grandkids and then bam! one per year!
The final score is 2 boys and 2 girls. I jumped in feet first and made a few mistakes.
I’ve had to apologize, regroup and back off as I am an over-eager grandmother in training. Ouch. I hope that my family knows that I am coming from a place of love and that I want the very best for them. The truth is that I’m still a recovering helicopter mom.
My friends and readers know that both of my children got married not that long ago. Within the span of a few months, I became a mother-in-law. It’s been wonderful. I’m truly blessed to have a new daughter-in-law and a new son-in-law to love. There are adjustments that I’ve made and continue to make, including how to spend holidays and family traditions, being available but not needy, and respecting their downtime and weekends.
Let me share a little bit of my new journey. If you are a grandparent or a grandparent-to-be, I would love to hear your stories. As you will see, I’ve got a lot to learn from you.
What are the rules for being a good grandparent? Although situations may be a little different, I’m convinced there are some universal truths we can all benefit from. I asked some of my readers and friends to weigh in and here are some great suggestions from them and one from me that everyone has agreed is a wonderful idea.
Effective Tips for First-Time Grandparents – 7 Real-Life Suggestions Plus My Mistakes!
Be Slow to Speak and Quick to Listen
Your adult child and their partner are in charge of raising their child, so be slow to offer opinions or advice unless asked directly. And even then, choose your words gently and carefully. Respect their wishes and support them as they figure it all out. It’s a brave new world since we raised our babies. Also, don’t be too quick with a list of things you will or won’t do. Everyone will need to be flexible. Be a safe harbor where they can vent and express frustration without fear of retribution. Remember that lack of sleep makes us all a little crazy.
Caution: Strong Opinions Ahead
Before the baby arrives, there will be many decisions to be made. If you are like me, you won’t agree with some of them. Everything from what to feed the baby, vaccinations, circumcision, childcare, and so many more. All of those decisions are all critical. Don’t set the stage to be an adversary. It will only strain your relationship and like my husband says, “we are here to play long ball.” Those critical decisions they need to make won’t stop for a very long time. Set a tone of cooperation and make it easy for them to share their ideas with you.
Respect Their Decisions and Their Rules
I’m used to being the one in charge, but now it is their turn to make the decisions and my turn to do what I’m told. This is going to be fun, right? The new parents will have routines and rules for naps, meals, screen time, etc. and all of their wishes will need to be respected and followed. If the baby comes home from your house and is always “off-schedule” then that is going to create problems.
Also, I needed to stop with the baby name suggestions. Yes, this is a tough one. I admit to texting name suggestions for days and making comments about ones they are tossing around.
Slow Down Before Shopping
It is understandable to be excited to start shopping for the new grandchild. On a recent Mediterranean vacation, the first souvenirs I bought were for the grandchildren. I lugged them all home and guess what, the kids were not impressed.
It is important to ask the parents what they need before you load up your shopping cart. You can ask them to start a registry so you can be sure that what you buy are actually items they want.
I’m certain that financial help or a contribution to a savings account will be most welcome, but more on that later.
Keep Yourself Healthy
Do what you can to stay as healthy as possible, so your family does not have to be part of the sandwich generation and care for you and a new baby. I’m implementing a new exercise routine to increase my upper body strength. I want to lift the baby not just for hugs and kisses but also in and out of car seats, strollers, cribs, and floors. Often, they are held in one arm and balanced on a hip while you open and close doors so that is not going to come easily for me. I need to work up to it.
Your Spouse Has Their Ideas Too
My husband and I just returned from a bucket list cruise where we spent time relaxing and talking about our life as grandparents. I realized that his ideas, concerns, and expectations are different than mine and that we need to communicate with each other to avoid conflicts in our own relationship. It has been a while since we have been “hands-on” parents with our full attention on children, so our empty-nester phase will have to be adjusted too.
He is ready to cheer them on from the soccer field sidelines and take them to games. I am excited about the library, museums, and concerts. These could be well-rounded kid!
Now here is the best idea I have!
After raising two children and being aghast at college tuition expenses, I cannot even imagine what they will be like for the next generation. One thing we have in our favor is the gift of time. I learned that saving just $100 a month could yield nearly $40,000 after 18 years. The cost of waiting is too high!
Open an education fund and start saving for their education right now. You can start small and add to it as you can. Whenever you get the urge to buy a toy or small indulgence, put that money instead into a college savings plan.
When my granddaughter turned three this year, she had so many presents and toys at her party that she did not miss mine. I put the money I would have spent into her education account.
It Takes a Village
Other family members and friends can contribute to your account or they can open their own account. Think of this as the birthday and holiday gift that keeps on giving.
My love grows exponentially for these tiny people. I think it is one of life’s biggest blessings to be a grandparent.
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