How to Get Along When You Don’t Agree. “Be the fireman, not the arsonist.” Lori Felix, More with Less Today.
My husband and I live in a retirement community now. We see our neighbors often as we enjoy a plethora of social functions and group activities. We have made some wonderful friends, many with strong opinions that we may or may not agree with. We also have family members we want to have close relationships with despite differences in political leanings, ideas about child-rearing, and religious affiliations.
It has become painfully apparent that we all must find ways to get along. I asked my readers and social media followers for their input and I also welcome yours.
I’m happy to add to my list of “How to Get Along When You Don’t Agree.”
- Are you attending a gathering with a partner? Gently remind each other ahead of time about sensitive topics to avoid.
- Be honest upfront. If you feel that diffusing the situation ahead of time is the best course of action, put it out there. Admit that you acknowledge that you do not agree on sensitive subjects but you desire a relationship that transcends these issues. Promise that you will not try to change their point of view and you respectfully want them to do the same for you.
- Give up your right to prove yourself to be right. Don’t argue. Don’t be defensive, instead, take the high road. Most likely you will never agree on hot-button issues so just be resigned to it. You may never agree but you cannot force another person to understand your point of view. This is the old ” you may win the battle but lose the war” philosophy.
- Have a trusted confidant who shares your views, a safe person you can vent with where you know your words are safe. Everyone has the right to their opinion. I’m suggesting that not everyone needs to hear it.
- Focus on a shared goal. Perhaps it is a co-worker you need to work closely with. It could be someone in your homeowners association who has a different idea of how things should be run or a family member who dominates every get-together. What is a common goal?
- Remain calm. Try a respectful response such as “I hear what you are saying but my viewpoint differs”, or “I have a different perspective but I value our relationship above trying to change your mind.”
- If you blow it and blow up, revisit the conversation when the heat dies down and apologize. You could say “I’m aware that we have two different views and that’s ok. I want to nourish our relationship for the good of (fill in the blank) and I want to avoid this same argument. Can we agree to disagree and move forward?”
I’m not saying it is easy because it is hard. However, I think we can agree that what we have been doing as a society is not working. Let the change begin with you and me. We all know of people who enjoy being mad all the time but I believe this is not the case for most of us.
My mom was a woman of great faith. As a young woman, I used to view her as weak and meek when she would not assert her opinion. Instead, she would seek to diffuse conflict. The older I get, the more I realize that this took strength and personal discipline. Her beliefs never changed but she valued relationships above all. She is greatly missed and fondly remembered by all family members.
I apologize if you are not religious. I am not trying to convert anyone. If you are, you may remember Matthew 5:9 “Blessed are the peacemakers, because they will be called Sons of God.”
What conflicts are you dealing with? How have you diffused the situation? If you have ideas to add to my post, please leave a comment or you can message me on Facebook and Instagram.
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